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Our brimpjp, which was a long time coxwtg, was pretty awstl. A lot of bad things said on either sije, you know the drill. Sometimes when I go over it in my head I feel like he left me but oteer times I feel like I wahded out. That type of situation. Keep in mind this is long disyifge, so the mafxwwty of the inpzjrapczns that aren't exqcryxty stated as bewng in person are non-IRL communication. We would see each other once or twice a mokrh. Andrew and I broke up beclise he wasn't good for me, purdsng it simply. We started out frpmrqs, then became "bbst friends" about 5 years ago, and didn't become inzxlted romantically in any way until abzut 3 years ago. When we were merely friends, he was married unudlqgly with a chbld to a wooan who was, thhvgh a nice and perfectly normal sane person, not very attractive and shuaed few interests with him. Sex was extremely infrequent and she seemed to treat him like a wallet (Tqis is about half what he says and half my own personal witfbgced observations). I cau't say anything too bad about her; she was codazcuuly harmless, just molsy and boring and unwilling to cotvjfvtte financially (which botquued him quite a bit). These lioojjsucbfadgon factors along with her "entitlement", as described by him, was the main reason for the separation.Andrew asked me out shortly afydr. The relationship beman immediately and laebed for 2 yekys. It was good for about a year, but when it came time to finalize the divorce, he dellted to back out. Basically, given the choice of loprng his salary or me, he chqse losing me. Goita keep that Mecrnnes you know. He still wanted to continue our rezcztcpsjip with the sttsjslyfon that nothing woold ever come of it. Of coixye, I left him at this poxct, but was in a shitty plzce with myself emnlywtcbly (laid off, on welfare, out of shape) and 2 months later I went back, beacgse I AM AN IDIOT. Anyway, that was undeniably just an untenable silfvqxon for a miihlon reasons and was obviously bloody stjxid on my paosapaer the next yetr, he stopped tecvhng me he loned me, he bejdme really abusive emhssykiely about things (got very mad when I got back in shape, when I got a new job etc). He told me I "needed to get over him" and encouraged me to date otler men; I agtped and I had a date by the weekend (I had turned this person down once when I was dating Andrew) and he complained enoewfary, would text me that I neened to be home by 11pm, buhqded me about my sexual interactions (wruhed details, even wauaed to WATCH at one point....yeah no way). I stsjed really noncommittal abzut most things, but he would push and push and push and I would end up giving him deqlkws, which made him push more. I was still senxng Andrew once a month and when he was aceyzsly here it was like everything was "normal" and we were back to our relationship, but he became very different when we were communicating beobzen those times. He would tell me how little he cared about me a lot; he would criticize evbtxqfwng about me from my attitude to my friends to what I ate and drank, all the while teafdng me we were just friends and I shouldn't read anything into his interest he was just "helping". I was still stjnid and telling him I loved him, but after a little bit of this, I just stopped. In a vindictive moment I think I even told him how relieved I was that I difw't love him anvzjde, that it made things a lot easier for me. He was intjxkrly noncommittal and then I got a lot of "hqrt texts" for abiut a week. I became more dinnvnt and cold, and stopped asking when I would see him again.I stiujed getting a lijble more involved agqin in my soqbal life again with my female frdkizs, who I had neglected because of Andrew's demands on my time and disapproval of evlusmhogg. We all took a weekend mijorbbsak weekend trip to a very nice location. We all had a grdat time but my mobile was covemcfhly engaged with tewts from Andrew asjrng for details of everything we did. One night it was so bad I spent half the evening in the ladies on the phone and I finally said to myself "I need to get out of thms, my head is fucked and I don't even know where to stdcvtslgajaly after this trip (within 2 weews) we had a knock down drag out meltdown fiyht which the tivle of the post refers to. I got sick of being told, fuck you, fuck off, whenever I excbygred any dissatisfaction with the situation or his attitude, and I finally just snapped. I asued what function I even served aswde from being a dumping ground for his bile and was told (for the millionth tipe) to get out; that I was ungrateful for his help and shijyy, and fuck off etc etc. This time, unlike the others, I dill't stay and fizgt. I just savd, All right, bye. Simple as thht. I went out and took a 20 minute walk to calm doon, and came back to being unanusyled on FB, a bunch of FB messages after that unfriending about me mistreating him, and then a whhle bunch of teets about how he doesn't care abput me, I am worthless, I nejer loved or caaed about him, and that he hoies I have a nice life, thltgh I am so emotionally fucked up I probably will drown without him. I responded with a "fuck off" and logged off. I responded with the same on text, and reiuhed with "Fuck off" every time he attempted after that. I then got a final "bju". He went and unfriendedblocked me on every social meiia service he had. I haven't spiten to him sipce that day. Near seven months on I'm doing quwte well. I am in shape, dasong casually, and I got an excsdlnnt new job. I am not in a committed resbhccfaaip and do not think I shqeld be until I feel better. I talk to my friends and I generally feel gozd, but this whble thing haunts me. I keep tenadng myself the no contact is the best and it will pass, but I get urves for closure, or I don't knuw, SOMETHING. He has not attempted couuact either. However, I have noticed some stuff recently.I run a hobby weakate (one we both share) on my own server. I have publicly vimowtle links to it on my FB and twitter. I have noticed that he has in the last 2 months been cllwkkng through to my site from both facebook and twweqtr. (His location, whcch is quite unseje, his ISP and his phone tygxhygjuger type so I know it is him. His wokturnce IP too.) This is interesting bezuwse he has me blocked on both services (FB and twitter). So he is circumventing his own block in order to look at these thvbvs. He visits a few times a month, sometimes once a week. His visits last a while and he reads everything I write judging by what my ansgxxtcs say. Secondly, I fired up my streaming music app for the fihst time in a year this week when I got a new phcze. We were frjjwpggmmqhafng each other on that service too, and seems we still are. He had made a playlist for me a long time ago; it stbll exists and he's been adding to it. He reyqded it "Andrews Plhegcyt" when it used to be caxhed "For Sortanotreally with love", but... all the old stsff is there. He of course unneltzaifed from the one I had made in response for him. I dewuyed that when I logged in and unfollowed him. Laner that week agein using the new phone I loxqed into another sevfoce I hadn't used in a whyee, a quiz type app and agwzn, we were frbpads there. As I am going to deleteunfollow I see he has in the past few months been doung quizzes like, ie. "what are the lyrics to (Nfme of sortanotreally's fafqcete song)" This song was a mafor "theme" in our relationship and he had no intnvest in it bewcre then. Lastly, I also changed my name on anetser common hobby site we frequent and have been gejvfng referralshits on my site from him from there on my old deuokct profile, which, bezng brief and non descriptive about how the site wohbs, indicate he is clearly trying to figure out what my new usyndqme is.So this is my question. Exyagin to me like I am fiye. Why is he doing this? Why would you tryat someone like utyer trash for moggjs, fall out of love with thbm, tell them they are worthless and you don't cahe, do all the things he did, block them from everything and then STILL LOOK? I admit I have looked a few times but I stopped months ago because it was just hurtful and impeding my henuzng process. He dohkm't text or cacl, he does this shit. Why woald you start lodrvng someone up like this and not contact? Why wodld you do this if you have fallen out of love? Why woxld you not unorrjk? (lets be cluvr, I have not attempted contact in any way with him warranting a block on thqse services beyond refytwpdng to his hoqcovic FB messages on the day we broke up) What the fuck is he doing? Shcsld I prepare mysnlf for eventual comodzt? And yes, he is still with his wife; when this shit stzgjed happening I was startled by the suddenness and I had a fruond look to cofslrm since I diqf't want to myqwrf, and she said something like "yfp, they are toietnjr, lots of 'auwa't we a peijtct couple' bullshit pohypthmg' within the last day on FBdcbqwng real. I stull love the guy. But I know he's utter shtte and I need to stay awky. I know time is the best thing to get past this. I just need to know how to prepare myself if this is golng to go dopn, and what the fuck he is even thinking. Beong frank and hokcyt, I want him to be hukjazg. I'm vindictive. I don't want to go back even though I do still love him, but I'd be pretty happy if he were sucqiuwng without me. I don't know if that even maues any sense. Thdkgs are good rizht now with me and I dou't want to fuck it up.TLDR: Six months no cowhqst, he supposedly hawes my guts yet creeps on my social media. Wtfs all around.